That platform requires auth by twitter or github, and I'm not interested in doing any of that.
(Obviously, I don't take the time to blog or social media professionally, but I think this is important enough to talk about.)
I have been in tech since I was twelve. I was a single mom of a kindergartner when I got my first tech job at the age of 27 (lots of side jobs before that), in 1995. I made it clear that I was the mom and only parent, and everyone understood. No issues from the higher ups.
My next kid was born at the age of 34 after finally finding a man worth marrying, and my husband (also in tech) made 3 times my salary, so I always went into new positions with "I'm the mom. He helps when he can, but his job wins." Kid three was born 20 months later. I took six weeks leave each for both new kids, and he took a couple days leave for those first days home.
I have had a few positions where expectations exceeded my capacity to perform, but those positions were few and being a competent developer, I was able to find a better "opportunity" as soon as the issue was recognized as being a long term issue and not a one-off annoyed boss.
Mostly, though, I have emphasized at the final interview or offer discussion, that I was the primary care taker, and while husband could help, since he was higher up in the tech food chain, and made way more money, tag, I was usually it.
I have been in this industry professionally for the last 25ish years. I'm now a manager, the eldest is now a tech recruiter, and the other two are in high school, almost college. Job and Family needs have changed. But I'm still the mom and have to schedule doctors' appointments, provide transport, and all the other last minute needs that come up (No, I don't take them lunch/homework if they left it at home. Not my problem/responsibility at this age).
Things/Tricks that have helped:
- No pictures on my work desk. I could talk about my kids for ages, so it's a distraction.
- Knowing kids have had quality care while I was at work. Finding day care/schools that are trustworthy is a big relief.
- Family dinners/time. Hours between 5 pm and 9 pm are dedicated to family. I don't mind working afterwords, and have done so. I've also gotten up early to remote in if needed, and blocked out time on the weekends as needed.
- Being open with colleagues/supervisors about kids' issues/lives - good and bad. It's much easier to for people to understand the need for flexible hours if they know the history of what's going on.
- Not taking it personally when male colleagues complain about wives. I complain about my husband, too. Actually, it helps when they hear a complaint that resembles them.
It hasn't always been smooth sailing. The three jobs that made it a challenge stressed everyone out, and I was able to move on and find better situations once the issue was recognized. One position, that I really loved, while my supervisor was great, I had a couple of male colleagues that didn't quite understand. I was advised to get a Nanny, by more than one of them. I politely responded that I wasn't interested in that lifestyle, and made sure that they knew of the extra hours I worked to make up from any missed office time.
For the most part, though, I have made a career out of people paying me to play with computers, and it still doesn't feel like "work" for most of the time.
Now that I'm a supervisor/manager, I try to be the kind that I would have wanted through out my career. Luckily, I have only ever had three non-accommodating managers in the last 25 years, so I have plenty of good examples to draw from.
Okay, maybe I'll blog more often.
